Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
