my sisters under your porch take her home
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
