did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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