So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
