I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Watching her eat just hurts me
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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