Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
