I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Randomize
