I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
