I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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