Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
