Where is the hickey?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
