May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
