I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
