yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
