I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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