if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
