Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
