i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
