Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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