whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
