I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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