I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
