I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
