I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
