Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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