why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The Olympian is in my bed
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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