i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
