I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
