We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
