I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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