I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
