I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
