We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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