Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
