They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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