Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I want her autograph on my taint
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm bleeding and have questions
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
