And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
