weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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