so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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