I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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