drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
