I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
