Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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