so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
