my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
