Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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