Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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