My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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