She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
