That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
