Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
