no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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